Voldemort Sings: Hard Knock Life
by Blame The Llama
Summary: And now witches and wizards of Azkaban, here for your dining pleasure is our very own Voldie and His Death Eaters.


Disclaimer: I don't own anything mentioned here. Not even this story…

This used to belong to Spastic Bookworm and she handed it over to me (about 4 months ago…) to spruce up cause she's swamped with her stories that aren't cooperating with her.

Just saying…

Think of the singing like reading lyrics… things in (…) mean someone's singing that in the back ground. Also (xxx) is a naughty word, and isn't in the original song either.…get it?

Enjoy.

* * *

An announcement comes from all around, but there's no one in sight: '_And know witches and wizards of Azkaban, here for your dining pleasure, is our very own Voldie and his Death Eaters…'_

A Few inmates stop what they're doing and sit to watch. Each glancing at the others around them, making facial expression that very from confused, frightened, wary, and all the above. One sits in the back with a blank expression.

Somewhere in the background a cricket crickets. Or the blank faced inmate says "cricket cricket". It's still up in the air which it was.

Voldie comes out with bandana around his hood when the music starts and says, to someone off stage that no one else can see: "_Take the base line out……no? you don't have to," _he shrugs. "_Bounce with it!"_

The Death Eaters, who had, in the time he was talking to the invisible person who refused to listen to him, filed out and stood in a line behind their leader, started a can-can-esque kick line, while singing.

"_It's the hard knock life, for us It's the hard knock life (yeah) for us! Steada treated, we get tricked," _they stop the kick line and blow kisses at Voldie. "_Steada kisses, we get kicked" _Voldie mimed a kick at the lot of 'em, which they should have seen coming. It's in the song, after all. "_It's the hard knock life!"_

Voldie jumps up on a table and tosses his hands in the air, "_I don't know how to be, d__oin no good wizardry,"_ and stamps his foot.

"_Merlin only knows got my death eaters in the gp-- see how it goes," _He jumps down and starts to try to act all tough.

"_Evils all that I see, you ask me my name: V to the Ozzo, L to the Dizzo, I to the Eizzo. I'm a crazy mother (xxx) (it's a hard knock life) Ya'll knew that-- Potter got me in the first chap. Its all backwards what's with that?"_

He makes a pouty face to his assembled audience of 6. The blank faced wizard shakes his head sadly back. His blank face a teeny bit less blank.

"_So I'll make a prophecy, from the dogs to death eaters and me. __Gimmie a Philosophers stone, a body, and a dead Potter in a cemetery. __Domino mother (xxx) ." _Voldie rubs his hands greedily and excitedly.

Death Eaters start doing a choreographed dance that would scare children more-so then their masks ever could cause it was that eerily good.

All the while they sing, "_It's the hard knock life (yeah) for us," _Voldie picks up the dance. "_It's the hard knock life, for us! (Stick that in your wand and smoke it!) Steada treated, we get tricked, (Uh-huh) steada kisses, we get kicked. (It's for all my servants still free) It's the hard knock life, for us (uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh) __It's the hard knock life, for us!"_

And the dance goes on: "_Steada treated, we get tricked (Ahhh, Butterbeer, my Moto)_

_Steada kisses, we get kicked (A couple of mudbloods, why not?) It's the hard knock life!"_

Voldie, still dancing the choreographed dance that had the audience wondering when they had time to learn it so well, sang: "_Gotta bust a move, droppin bust-a-groove, feelin fine, got an evil crew, Lucius Malfoy too, lick my nine," _Malfoy, devoid of his mask like all the rest, resistes the urge to cringe. He has no idea what that entails and wishes someone else's name worked in that line instead.

Voldie keeps singing. "_Till then I'll (xxx) on my (xxx) __brains up (xxx) on call, and your (xxx) that's all. Fa shizzle my nizzle y'all." _

Everyone in the yard that is now doubling as a performance theatre shoots questioning looks at everyone else, wondering if anyone understood that.

The Death Eaters wish they had never agreed to this. But that was what, figuratively speaking, selling your soul got you.

The Death Eaters all form a half circle around Voldie. "_It's a Hard knock life"_

Voldie, looking pleased proclaimes: "_This is a shout out to Salva god of sin. __You all know him, that's Slytherin! I met him." _The fellow inmates look at him in awe, some even drooling.

Voldie goes on, a bit sheepishly, as sheepishly as someone evil can look: "_Well, I say him in a diary once." _The wizards in the audience pffted and lose the awed look.

The Death Eaters all drop to the ground, like they're exhausted. "_It's a Hard knock life."_

Voldie looks around him, unsure of where everyone went, then remembers and looks down. He blushes, an evil blush of course, and finishes the routine to cover it up, "_Please Stick that in your wand and smoke it_!" He assumes a very Snape smirk, "_Yeah… I said please!"_

There's a smattering of applause from the audience, which turns to a more strong standing ovation when Voldie dons his 'I Am Lord Voldemort' stance.

Seconds later Voldie and his Death eaters are told to clean the loo.

Voldie emits low growling sound as he grabs a mop. His Death Eaters follow, looking unabashedly grateful for the messy lavatory that means there will be no repeat performances because Voldie A.) felt it could have been better and because B.) Nott was a half step off towards the end.

Which he was, but only because he was over excited at the routine being almost finished.

* * *

Jiggered the words of the song, obviously. That's about all I have to say... Besides: 

Review lovies.


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